Project Who Gives a Damn

I’m not sure how, but Bravo’s new derivative fashion competition show, Launch My Line, actually makes me happy and not depressed!

A big part of that is that the hosts, “DSQUARED2,” are in fact the  Rocko’s Modern Life Chameleon Brothers made flesh.


And pose.


But also, it was because everyone in there is already a legitimate type-A, and have already succeeded in some field on their own. Sure they rattle off the names of celebrities they’ve worked with as fast as they can like they’re doing some kind of Red Light Challenge on Cash Cab, and namedropping is nothing new or appetizing, but nonetheless there is actual success and ambition for more there, which is important for competition.

In contrast, I was at a gay bar the other night and saw Nicolas, one of the contestants from Project Runway during the last, pathetic Lifetime season. He swayed his greasy hair back and forth to get as much attention as he could and yet no one even seemed to hassle him, or even recognize him at all. Or they did, but stayed away because of his awkward self-awareness. People like this are everywhere in reality competition shows. They get cast for their big attitudes, but after a few weeks of getting accustomed to the game and competition and critique, just seem helpless and not fun to watch. And then you just have to sit and wait for them to be weeded out.

"I'm not here to make friends! Well, OK."

If you’re lucky, like with this season of Top Chef, or a couple of Runway seasons in the past, you will get a good group of contestants in the end that feel like actual competition, and are exciting to watch as they go up against each other, instead of just looking to hang on one more week. But sometimes, even that doesn’t happen and America’s Next Top Model is McKey! because duh who else, and then Tyra’s kiss-kiss out the door, already off to her next bullshit empire-building project.

Amateurs on TV are more humiliating than entertaining, and with the couple crashing the White House, I think America’s tolerance of famewhores might finally be waning. I like Dsquared because they’re a carnival act, but the kind you can admire, like the guy who hammers nails into his face. And their tag line for the winners, “Love your work, ____,” speaks to mutual respect and admiration, over pretend-validation.

Judging is not some chopping block, because these people are not that delusional to believe a reality show is the beginning or the end for them. Not to mention the real fashion designers they’re partnered with for the competition, who are doing what they always do. I’m sick of America looking for any scrap of talent as if it’s impossible. We should have talent coming out the ass to put on TV! And I want to see it! Time to launch more lines!

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